Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
