A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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