I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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