You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
