So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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