The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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