hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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