i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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