Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize