he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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