think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
