I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
