She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
