smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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