they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
