cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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