this beer tastes like vomit already
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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