i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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