thus making me awesome and them whores
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
