I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
