Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
