smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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