Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
