4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
