I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
