my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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