...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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