You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
