honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
