If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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