im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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