Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
