Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
