yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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