I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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