There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
