I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
