my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
