just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
