Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i've created a new STD.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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