she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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