I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
