it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Panties = found
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