do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
