i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
