dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
