just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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