I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
