rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
