Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize