I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
