i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
