if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
