I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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