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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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