Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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