Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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