I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
