You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
