Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
