Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
