You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
