I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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