New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
