On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
