i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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