Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She even gives head with a lisp.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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