nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
