hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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