the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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