He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
