Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize