Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
